Poop-to-Gold Experiment Goes ... Wrong

Human feces, mixed with fertilizer and other ingredients and left on top of an electric heater, will not turn to gold, an amateur alchemist in Belfast discovered. Paul Moran, whose experiment set his apartment on fire, was jailed for three months for arson and endangering the lives of others, the Belfast Telegraph reports.

"Rather bizarrely, you were attempting to make gold from human feces and waste products," the judge told the 30-year-old man. "It was an interesting experiment to fulfil the alchemist’s dream, but wasn’t going to succeed." Moran's lawyer described his client as a man of "considerable intellectual ability," but with drug problems. (More strange stuff stories.)