Stoned Man Calls Cops on Dog That 'Shot' Him in Butt

We suppose many different kinds of injuries inflicted upon one's fleshy backside can feel like a gunshot—especially if that someone is stoned out of his mind and possibly suffering from pot-induced paranoia. That's apparently what happened to a man Thursday in Groesbeck, Texas, who called the cops after he said someone shot him in the buttocks, per the Houston Chronicle, which marvels at the "beauty of small-town police departments" and the "level of homegrown weird" they get to deal with every day. The chief of the Groesbeck Police Department took to Facebook to let the public know exactly what had happened.

"To quell the rumor concerning a reported shooting today, I want to offer this brief explanation," the chief wrote Thursday afternoon. He wrote that police responding to a call from a mobile-home park had spoken to the caller, who said he had been shot in the left buttock, and determined he'd been toking. They also figured out who had "shot" him: a dog hanging out with him (it's not clear if it was his) that had become spooked by thunder and actually bitten him, not shot him, on his bottom. The unnamed man was treated by EMS workers and released; the dog was presumably not arrested. As one Facebook commenter quipped, "That dog was 'taking a bite outa [sic] crime'!" (Read another classic tale of pot paranoia.)