Snide Lexicon Names Aging Female Parts

By Neal Colgrass,  Newser Staff
Posted Aug 1, 2009 6:00 PM CDT
Snide Lexicon Names Aging Female Parts
Colleen Delsack, 47, of Alexandria, Va., has Botox injected by Dr. Shannon Ginnan, at Reveal in Arlington, Va. on Friday, June 5, 2009.   (AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)

A humorous glossary, or lexicon of despair? Labels used to describe women's bodies at a certain age "can seem as offensive as teenage behaviour, prompting a need for strict control," Sarah Hampson writes in the Globe & Mail:

  • The Bitch Wrinkle: "Also known as Chapter Eleven (an appropriate illusion to bankruptcy, given the cost of Botox)," these parallel lines run between the eyebrows.

  • Quilting Pattern: Usually found in the lower cheek, these wrinkles "form in a horizontal pattern along with the vertical ones."
  • Vampire Dinner Lips: Thank Diana Athill's recent memoir, Somewhere Towards the End—which describes lipstick running "into the little wrinkles round the edge" of a woman's lips, "making her look like a vampire disturbed in mid-dinner."
  • Bingo Wings: Even Madonna sports this "flabby undercarriage of the upper arms," also known as Dinner Lady Arms.
  • Suitcase Knees: "They are padded and bulky" unless exercise develops "Shar-Pei Knees: wrinkled folds that droop."
For the full lexicon, click on the link below. (More lexicon stories.)

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