dumb criminals

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Home-Printed Checks Scored Guy a Porsche, but No Rolexes
Cops: Guy 'Bought'
$140K Porsche With Check
From Home Computer
in case you missed it
Aug 2, 2020 9:40 AM CDT

Cops: Guy 'Bought' $140K Porsche With Check From Home Computer

Casey William Kelley also tried to scoop up 3 Rolex watches with another phony check, authorities say

(Newser) - Grand Theft Auto: Wewahitchka isn't a real thing, though a Florida man allegedly tried to make it one. Per the Northwest Florida Daily News , authorities in Walton County say Casey William Kelley purchased a Porsche 911 Turbo from a dealership in Destin on Monday for nearly $140,000. "...

DA: Typo on Man's Death Certificate Gave Away His Con

Long Island's Robert Berger is accused of faking his own death to get out of other charges

(Newser) - A Long Island criminal defendant tried faking his death to avoid a jail sentence, but the phony death certificate his lawyer submitted had a glaring spelling error that made it a dead giveaway for a fraud, prosecutors said Tuesday. Robert Berger, 25, of Huntington, New York, now faces up to...

Cops: Thief Left Behind Unexpected Clue

His young son, leading police in Germany to make an easy arrest

(Newser) - Police in Germany say they had an easy time tracking down a petty thief—he forgot his own son at the scene of the crime. Bautzen police said the 29-year-old suspect ran off when the $5.65 worth of goods he was trying to steal triggered an alarm at a...

Drug Dealer Learns Big Lesson on Where Not to Hide Bitcoin Codes

$60M now can't be accessed after Clifton Collins stashed codes in fishing rod case that's vanished

(Newser) - He should've stuck to his praise-winning honey. An Irish former beekeeper-turned-drug dealer is ruing the day he came up with the bright idea to stash the codes to accounts harboring close to $60 million in bitcoin in the aluminum cap of a fishing rod case—which, per the Guardian...

Inmate Climbed Into Ceiling. It Didn't End Well

Ohio inmate's prison escape plan foiled after ceiling gives way

(Newser) - WOIO calls it a botched prison escape in Ohio that ended in "embarrassing fashion." ABC7 calls it an "epic fail"—or should it be "epic fall"? It was all of these things for Jessica Boomershine, who was caught on surveillance camera determinedly trying...

Alleged Thief's Mistake: Using Daughter's Journal

Prosecutors say dropped item contained hit list, identifying information

(Newser) - Authorities in Tennessee say they busted a well-organized burglar after he allegedly dropped a notebook during a break-in that contained a list of other places he planned to target. Robert Shull Goddard, 49, is accused of smashing a glass door and breaking into a Nashville area home on Jan. 29,...

Why You Don't Hide Drugs in Bag Labeled 'Bag Full of Drugs'

'Our K-9’s can read,' Florida cops chortle

(Newser) - Two men charged with drug trafficking could have done a better job hiding their wares than using a package labeled "Bag Full of Drugs," Florida authorities say. Ian Simmons and Joshua Reinhardt, both 34, were pulled over in Santa Rosa County on Saturday after a trooper clocked them...

Wanted: This Guy, and 'No, We Are Not Kidding'

California thief made off with $500 from artist, but not his own caricature

(Newser) - A caricature out of California either shows the most confident thief ever, or a very stupid one. Police in Riverside are asking anyone who recognizes the caricature to reach out—"and no, we are not kidding"—after the man pictured robbed the artist of $500 in cash. The...

Cops Allegedly Confiscated His Pot. So He Called the Cops on Them

He was quite irate (and wrong) during his conversation with an Ohio police sergeant

(Newser) - A man confused about Ohio drug laws called a police department demanding that officers return the small amount of marijuana they "stole" from him, per the AP . WXIX reports the man told a Sharonville police dispatcher in an expletive-laced call Tuesday that it's legal to possess 100 grams...

Suspect Gives Up Hiding Spot With Ill-Timed Outburst

Missouri cops catch a lucky break thanks to a loud fart

(Newser) - A suspect in Missouri wanted for possession of a controlled substance is likely regretting recent food choices after loud farting revealed his or her hiding spot near Liberty, Fox News reports. "If you've got a felony warrant for your arrest, the cops are looking for you and you...

Uber Driver Reports Would-Be Bank Robbers

They also called an Uber for a getaway

(Newser) - Things did not work out well for three Oklahoma City teenagers who allegedly planned to rob a bank—using Uber as transportation. Police say the Uber driver who took the teens to the bank Tuesday afternoon called authorities after hearing one of them say he had a gun and was...

Alleged Theft at Cop Station Goes as Well as You'd Expect

Would-be bike thief caught within seconds: police

(Newser) - The words "Gladstone Police" printed in large letters on a window next to a bicycle rack wasn't enough of a deterrent for an alleged thief, whom Oregon officers accuse of trying to steal a bike right from under their noses. A surveillance video shared Monday on Facebook —...

Crocs-Wearing Guy Jumps Into Croc Pond at Gator Farm

Yes, this story happened in Florida

(Newser) - Try saying this five times fast: A guy wearing Crocs jumped into the crocodile pond at an alligator farm. Namely, St. Augustine's Alligator Farm Zoological Park in, yes, Florida. A 23-year-old man was arrested after allegedly breaking into the park Monday night and deciding to take a swim in...

Store Owner Tells Robbers to Come Back Later. They Did

Belgian buffoons came back twice; the second time, the cops were there

(Newser) - They're either the world's most accommodating criminals, the greediest, the most optimistic, or the dumbest—or maybe all of the above. The BBC reports on 15 tense minutes Saturday for a Belgian e-cigarette shop owner, identified simply as Didier, when a half-dozen wannabe armed robbers showed up midafternoon...

Wannabe Burglar Hurls Brick, the Brick Hits Back

He's being called the 'Bad Luck Bandit'

(Newser) - Either he didn't know he was facing bulletproof glass, or he didn't quite know what happens when you throw something at bulletproof glass. Either way, a guy who broke into a Maryland takeout restaurant on Sept. 20 was likely nursing a nasty head bump the next day. NBC...

Thieves' Scheme to Steal Pot a Hilarious Flop

They got oregano instead from Colorado Springs shop

(Newser) - The heist went exactly as planned: Overnight thieves drove a stolen van right through the front doors of a marijuana shop in Colorado Springs, grabbed as much pot as they could carry, abandoned the van, and fled in a getaway vehicle, reports the Colorado Springs Gazette . The only hitch? All...

Dumb Old Faithful Stunt Gets Visitor Arrested

Man walks right up to it, which is against the rules, and appears to urinate in it

(Newser) - Taunting a bison is not only unwise, it will land you in legal trouble at Yellowstone . The same applies to tempting fate near Old Faithful. An unidentified man has been charged with multiple offenses, including going off-trail in a thermal area, after he appeared to urinate in the famous hot-spring...

Empty Gas Tank Foils Pharmacy Robber
Attempted Robbery
Runs Out of Gas
Sep 14, 2018 2:31 PM CDT

Attempted Robbery Runs Out of Gas

When his car wouldn't go, the robber tried to flee on foot

(Newser) - Robbing a Store 101: Take the money and run—but not before checking your getaway car's gas tank, per the AP . Authorities say a man's bid to rob a Pittsburgh pharmacy was foiled because his car had no gas. Police say 39-year-old Anthony Scolieri fled the pharmacy Wednesday...

Mom's Facebook Claim About Abduction Attempt a Lie: Cops

Chelsie Hendel allegedly posted a live video about a crime that never happened

(Newser) - An Ohio mom's Facebook video about the attempted abduction of her child in a Walmart parking lot was all made up, per local authorities. Chelsie Hendel was arrested Friday after the Marion County Sheriff's Office says the 27-year-old mother recorded a live video about her experience in the...

Would-Be Bank Robber Balks, Asks to Open Account Instead

Unfortunately, he was lacking the proper ID to do so

(Newser) - A would-be bank robber turned into a would-be bank customer Friday afternoon, police say. The suspect walked into a Bayonne, NJ, bank and handed a teller a note demanding "all the money." But as the teller read the note, he snatched it back and said he wanted to...

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